By Collin McWhite, LCMHCA – Counselor at Asheville Family Counseling
As a child counselor, one of the most important things I’ve learned is that the relationship is what creates change. Not the technique. Not the strategy. The relationship. And in order to build a meaningful relationship – especially with kids – we have to be willing to meet them where they’re at.
For many of the kids I work with, that place isn’t sitting across from them and talking about their feelings. It’s in the worlds they already feel comfortable in – digital spaces, games, and online communities. That’s actually part of what led me to begin offering video game therapy.
Even as an adult, I’m an active gamer. I’ve experienced firsthand how powerful these spaces can be – not just for entertainment, but for connection, problem-solving, creativity, and challenge. Gaming has given me a sense of community, moments of real collaboration, and opportunities to work through frustration and persistence in a way that feels engaging rather than overwhelming. That experience made me curious about how this could translate into the therapy room.
Recently, I had a session with a child who came in clearly dysregulated and not wanting to be there. He was shut down, resistant, and not open to engaging in conversation. Rather than pushing him to talk, I offered something different. I asked if he wanted to create a character online together.
We pulled up a digital avatar creator – a space where you can design a character from scratch. You choose facial features, clothing, accessories, and even imaginative elements like armor, colors, or special traits. There’s no pressure to perform or explain anything. It’s simply a process of creating and exploring.
Almost immediately, I felt a shift. He leaned in. He started making choices. He became engaged in a way that hadn’t been possible just moments before. As he engaged, his nervous system settled. He became more regulated, more present, and more open.
Nothing about that moment looked like traditional therapy. But everything about it was therapy.
What changed wasn’t just the activity – it was the sense of connection. Instead of asking him to enter my world, I stepped into his. That shift created enough safety for him to begin engaging, and from there, the rest of the session unfolded with ease.
This is something I think is important for parents to understand. When kids are dysregulated, they can’t access the parts of their brain that allow for reflection, communication, or problem-solving. Before we can do any of that work, we have to help them feel safe and secure. Sometimes, that starts with meeting them in a space that already feels familiar.
I also want to address one of the biggest concerns I hear from parents when it comes to video games, which is around violence. It’s a valid concern, and one I take seriously. What I often share is that many games aren’t violent, and the games we use in therapy are actually collaborative, creative, and focused on problem-solving.
In therapy the games we use are chosen based on your child’s needs, developmental level, and therapeutic goals – not simply whether a game includes violence or conflict. While many games are cooperative and prosocial, what matters most is how the experience is used in session.
When thoughtfully guided, even games that include elements of competition or conflict can support emotional regulation, frustration tolerance, decision-making, and communication skills. We approach all game content intentionally and with care, ensuring it supports your child’s growth.
Your child isn’t just “playing a game” – they’re building important skills in a safe, supportive environment. The game becomes something we can explore together, helping your child understand their reactions, work through challenges, and develop new ways of responding.
Ultimately, the game isn’t the point – it’s the bridge. It allows connection in a way that feels natural to your child, while giving insight into how they think, handle frustration, and relate to others. From there, we can build awareness, strengthen skills, and support healthier relationships both inside and outside the therapy room.
What may look like “just playing a game” is often a child experiencing competence, agency, and connection – sometimes in ways they’re struggling to find elsewhere. When we meet them in that space, we’re creating an entry point for growth.
At the end of the day, this approach comes back to something simple but powerful: connection first. When a child feels seen, understood, and met where they are, that’s when the real work can begin. If you’re curious whether this approach might be a good fit for your child, you can learn more here: Gaming & Video Game Therapy.
Interested in Your Child Working With Collin?
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