Exciting news first…I’m absolutely delighted to share that I officially have a book under contract with New Harbinger Publications, scheduled for publication in Fall 2027. This project has been a dream of mine for a long time, and I’m deeply grateful to finally be bringing it into the world.
At its heart, this book is for parents who have tried everything to address their child’s concerning behaviors – the charts, the rewards, the consequences, the coaching scripts – and are left wondering why none of it seems to help.
Traditional behavioral approaches often fail not because parents are doing them wrong, but because they fundamentally misunderstand certain nervous systems. For children whose nervous systems experience demands as threats – the defining feature of what is commonly called Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) – more pressure doesn’t build skills. It erodes safety.
In my book, I reframe PDA not as defiance, manipulation, or a parenting failure, but as a persistent desire for autonomy rooted in nervous system survival. When autonomy is threatened, safety disappears. And when a child doesn’t feel safe, learning, flexibility, and cooperation shut down. What looks like “bad behavior” is often a child doing everything they can to survive an environment that feels overwhelming.
This is where the breakthrough comes in. Drawing on the Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (CPS) model developed by Dr. Ross Greene, who generously has offered to provide oversight and write the foreword for my book – I walk parents step by step through a radically different way of responding. The CPS model doesn’t rely on control, rewards, or compliance. Instead, it helps families rebuild safety, trust, and collaboration by identifying what’s actually getting in the way for a child and solving those problems with them.
It’s not about lowering expectations or “giving in.” It’s about shifting the lens – so parents can stop focusing on behavior and start seeing the real issues underneath it. It’s about moving out of daily crisis mode and into a relationship where kids feel understood, parents feel effective, and everyone can finally breathe again.
More to come soon – but for now, I’m so excited to share this milestone with you. This book exists because of the trust families place in me, and I take that very seriously. And speaking of why this work matters, I want to share a story.
When Rose’s parents first reached out for help, they had just discovered nearly $400 in in-app purchases charged to their iTunes account – purchases Rose, a fifth grader, had made without asking.
Like most parents, their first instinct was to stop the behavior. Lock down the account. Lecture about money. Impose consequences. All of that made sense. They were upset and trying to regain control of a situation that seemed very out of control.
Using the Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) model, we reframed the issue. Instead of focusing on ideas like “disrespecting parents’ money” or “buying things without permission,” they identified a more precise unsolved problem: difficulty asking before making in-app purchases. That shift mattered. It moved the family out of crisis mode and into genuine problem solving – creating space for understanding, collaboration, and real change.
When they invited Rose to share what was hard, something they hadn’t known emerged. Rose explained that she felt extremely stressed every day on the school bus. As the empathy step continued and her parents stayed curious rather than judgmental, more information surfaced.
Rose wasn’t just generally anxious – she was being bothered by another student, Jane, who invaded her space, leaned in too close, and talked to her nonstop. The bus ride felt overwhelming and unsafe to her nervous system. That’s when the real problem became clear: difficulty getting along with Jane on the bus.
The in-app purchases weren’t about greed or impulsivity. They were Rose’s attempt to regulate her nervous system. Playing games and unlocking features inside the games on her phone helped her escape the distress of the bus ride. Once her parents understood that, everything changed.
Now, if Jane had been bullying Rose, her parents wouldn’t have the expectation that Rose get along with Jane. They would have likely decided to drive Rose to school or work with school staff to change Rose’s seat assignment or work with Jane to address the issue. Safety always comes first. Just like a parent will grab a child before they run into traffic, there are moments when adults must act unilaterally to protect a child.
But Rose wasn’t unsafe. She was overwhelmed. And a nervous system under threat can’t learn or adapt.
CPS didn’t ask Rose to “tough it out,” and it didn’t ignore her distress. Instead, it created safety first, then built skills. Once the real problem was identified, the solutions became clearer and more durable. They helped Rose practice ways to ask for space and quiet. If that didn’t work her parents could have looped in school staff to explore seating changes. The adults could have involved Jane (and perhaps Jane’s parents) and together they could make the bus ride feel manageable.
Just as importantly, Rose learned something lasting. She learned how to notice her internal distress. She learned that adults would listen without judgment. She learned that problems impacting her daily life were solvable, and that she didn’t have to handle them alone.
Her parents learned something too. They learned that what looks like “bad behavior” is often a nervous system asking for help. They learned that curiosity opens doors that control never will. And they learned that addressing the real problem, not just the visible behavior, changes everything.
This is what the CPS model does so well. It doesn’t ask families to choose between safety and growth. It builds a bridge between them. It honors a child’s need for autonomy and protection while gently teaching the skills required to navigate a world that will always include challenges.
Rose became more capable because she was understood. And that understanding made room for learning, genuine problem solving, and growth. If you’re curious what becomes possible when understanding comes first, I offer CPS-based parent coaching for families who want less conflict and more connection. You can learn more about the CPS Parent Coaching Package here.
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