Imagine this: You walk into a room filled with 15 of the fluffiest, most adorable kittens you’ve ever seen. They’re tumbling over each other, purring, stretching their tiny paws toward you. Your heart lifts – until you spot it. In the corner of the room: a giant cockroach.
What do you do?
If you’re like most humans, your attention immediately locks onto the cockroach. Your body tenses. Maybe you freeze. Maybe you flee. Maybe you grab your shoe to kill it. Whatever the reaction, the kittens vanish from your awareness. Not literally, of course. They’re still right there. But the cockroach has hijacked your focus.
This, my friends, is the Negativity Bias in action.
It’s a feature of the brain we all inherited from our survival-focused ancestors. In a world filled with predators, poisonous plants, and uncertain terrain, the people who noticed danger the fastest were the ones who stayed alive.
The brain then evolved to be Velcro for the negative (meaning it sticks) and Teflon for the positive (meaning it slides right off).
But today, the cockroach isn’t a saber-toothed tiger. It’s a disappointing email. A thoughtless comment. A closed pool gate.
Recently, my son Griffin reminded me just how powerful our attention really is, especially when it perceives something’s wrong.
We’d been looking forward to swimming all week, and on Saturday when we showed up during normal open hours, the pool was closed for a swim meet. I felt surprised, disappointed, and ready to blame someone. (I checked the website before heading out, and there was no mention of the closure.)
And yes, Griffin felt the sting too. But then he said, “I’m glad we had a nice morning. Getting a special breakfast was really nice.” And just like that, he turned toward the kittens.
Later, we came up with the “15 Kittens and a Cockroach” analogy together. It’s silly. And it’s sticky. Because it’s so very true.
Here’s the deeper invitation:
If we say we want to feel free, more peaceful, more at ease, then we have to be willing to stop the negative thought loop. Most of us don’t do this on purpose, but all too often we let negative thoughts run wild. We lather, rinse, repeat. In doing so we’re reinforcing the neural pathways of stress, frustration, and fear.
The cockroach is always going to grab our attention first. That’s just how the brain works.
But we have a choice: we can choose to turn back to the kittens.
Mindfulness teaches us that freedom is not the absence of discomfort, but the presence of awareness. We can notice the pull of the cockroach and gently redirect ourselves. Not to bypass pain, but to remember that joy and beauty are also here.
When we shift our attention, again and again, we literally rewire our brains. We make it easier to access gratitude, delight, and calm, even in the midst of conflict.
This doesn’t mean ignoring real problems. If there’s something that needs tending, tend to it. But don’t let it take up all the space in the room.
So the next time something falls apart, or your brain starts projecting worst-case scenarios, pause and ask:
Where are the kittens?
What is still good, kind, beautiful, or true? Right here and now?
You don’t have to deny the cockroach.
You just don’t have to let it make you miss the magic.
And if you’d like support shifting your focus, our counselors at Asheville Family Counseling are here to help.
Whether you’re navigating loss, anxiety, parenting challenges, or just feeling stuck in cycles of negativity, we’ll help you tend to what’s hard and retrain your brain to see the good that’s still available. Together, we’ll help you build new pathways for presence and peace.
You don’t have to let your day be ruined by a giant cockroach.
Reach out to get started today.
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Click the button below and schedule a free, 15-minute call.
We’ll discuss how we may be able to help.
