Recently, I had the privilege of attending a powerful conference hosted by Lives in the Balance, the nonprofit organization founded by Dr. Ross Greene, who also developed the Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (CPS) model.
It focused on autism and Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)—or, as some in the neurodivergent community prefer to call it, Persistent Desire for Autonomy.
Throughout the conference, I kept thinking of all the children we see at Asheville Family Counseling who live in a world that often misunderstands their behavior and struggles.
One of the most moving parts of the day came from Sophie Lehman, a 22-year-old autistic self-advocate with PDA and ADHD, who spoke with so much clarity and compassion about her lived experience.
Sophie shared what it was like to go unseen for so long, to be labeled as manipulative or difficult when she was really just feeling overwhelmed, and what finally helped her begin to heal and grow: being understood, supported, and gently invited into collaboration.
Her story was a reminder of something I believe deeply:
Our children aren’t giving us a hard time. They’re having a hard time.
I came away from the conference inspired, not just by Sophie’s words, but by the opportunity to turn what I learned into something tangible. I wanted families to have something they could return to again and again, a touchstone for curiosity, compassion, and practical support.
That’s how our new PDA handouts came to life.
One for Adults, One for Kids
We created two separate PDFs, one for adults, and one for kids, each rooted in Sophie’s insights, my years of experience using the Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) model, and our team’s ongoing commitment to neurodiversity-affirming care.
The adult version is written with parents and caregivers in mind. It explains PDA in plain, heartfelt language, shares how kids experience overwhelm as a “frustration response,” and offers practical strategies grounded in CPS for solving problems with kids.
The child version is titled, “You’re Not Bad. You’re Brilliant and Brave.” is written directly to children and teens. It gently helps them understand their nervous system, how big feelings like fight, flight, freeze, or collapse show up, and how to name what’s going on inside them. It invites them into curiosity and collaboration with the people who care about them.
One of my favorite moments from Sophie’s talk was when she said, “People used to think I was dramatic or manipulative. I wasn’t. I was overwhelmed.”
We put that quote right in the kids’ PDF. Because children need to hear it too.
Why It Matters
What we’ve learned, and what this conference confirmed, is that when we slow down and get curious, we can build trust and safety, even in moments that feel impossible.
That’s why we’re inviting the adults in a child’s life to HALT (Hungry, Anxious, Lonely, Tired, Sick) and take a breath. That’s why we’re helping kids notice the early signs of overwhelm and giving them language to ask for help. And that’s why we’re so passionate about the CPS model. It truly is a game-changer for solving the real problems underneath the behaviors.
We’re not just here to manage meltdowns.
We’re here to nurture relationships, restore safety, and help families reconnect.
Want to Learn More?
If you’d like to read more about how CPS supports kids with PDA, I wrote a blog post you can find here:
How Collaborative & Proactive Solutions Helps Clients with PDA Thrive
And if you’re a parent or clinician who wants a copy of the PDFs, you can find them here:
Understanding PDA Through Lived Experience
You’re Not Bad. You’re Brave and Brilliant
We want every child to feel seen and understood, and we want everyone, kids and adults alike, to feel empowered with tools that work.
The truth is: We’re all doing the best we can and that’s a powerful place to start. But our kids are calling us to grow, to stretch, and to meet them with even more compassion and curiosity. With the right support, we absolutely can.
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