In a previous blog post I talked about the importance of taking responsibility for your thoughts and your feelings. It turns out this is a key to get your needs met. I should also add that this is much easier said than done.
Learning how to define your priorities and create and maintain strong agreements is a big part of valuing your self and improving all aspects of your life.
Just think about it: Do you want others to do for you from a place of duty, guilt, or resignation? Of course not! Then why do you allow yourself to stand in this place when you do for them?
Create Strong Agreements to Get Your Needs Met
So grab a pen and jot down some Strong Agreements you know you need to put into place in order to honor your priorities and yourself. They can be things like:
- “I won’t check email until after I exercise in the
morning.” - “For the next week, I’m not going to agree to any
change to my schedule without at least 48 hours’ notice.” - “I will call a friend if I start to feel overwhelmed.”
Share your Strong Agreements with your family, your friends, your coworkers and anyone else close to you so they can know about them in advance.
Get “Buy In”
If you need to make a Strong Agreement that requires someone else’s “buy in,” like the Strong Agreement I have with my husband and son that we don’t make decisions (about anything except to go to sleep) after 8 pm, make sure you schedule a time to talk about it that’s likely to be free from triggering events.
This gets back to making a positive request that I talked about earlier. No more expecting anyone in your life to be a mind reader, okay?
If you do this, you’ll find you will get the support you need as you make this important shift.
You can do this and YOU are worth it!
Ask Yourself These Questions
If you need more guidance in creating your Strong Agreements, please consider the following:
- What
issues are most like to create conflict and trigger you and your loved ones?
(Money, parenting, love/relationship needs, and health are common ones.) - How
are those conflicts usually expressed? - What
strong agreements could you create with your loved ones to ensure these
conflicts don’t happen?
If you’re at a loss for coming up with responses, you may need to wait for the next time you “flip your lid” and then, as soon after as possible, answer these questions:
What was my part in creating the problem?
Whom do I need to forgive?
What remains to be cleaned up?
Taking Responsibility
Taking responsibility for our own part in the problem is critical to transforming them. The more you can develop curiosity at the time you “flip” (or as quickly after), the better.
I try to think of myself as an investigative journalist at the scene of a crime who is taking in as much detail as possible – again any “trick” you can play to depersonalize the experience the better!
Very often crises occur because we didn’t listen to our own intuition, take responsibility for our feelings, and/or speak our truth. Is there one of the three areas that is most challenging for you? Which one is it?
Three Top Suggestions
Here are some suggestions for each:
- Develop
intuition - Take
responsibility for our feelings - Speak
our truth
After a crisis occurs and we’ve have taken responsibility for our part in it, and we have done everything we can do to clean up the mess, sometimes negative feelings still remain. I’ll talk about what to do then in a future blog post.
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