The fact that sex is a key to successful relationships is probably no surprise to you. How to enjoy more sex in your relationship is probably the question. I answer that question and also give you my six best tips for hot and steady sex in this article.
First, let’s start with the facts. The benefits of sex are at least ten-fold: sex relieves stress, boosts immunity and self-esteem, improves cardiovascular health and intimacy, reduces pain and prostate cancer risk, helps you maintain a healthy weight and sleep better, and strengthens pelvic floor muscles (reducing risk of incontinence).
Okay, so I’ve convinced you that sex is important, but how are you going to fit it into your already-packed schedule and actually feel like getting it on?
How to Enjoy More Sex
1) Make time for sex.
Remember that song Afternoon Delight by the Starland Vocal Band? “Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight, gonna grab some afternoon delight. My motto’s always been; when it’s right, it’s right.” Well that’s my motto, too. My son has a standing game night with friends on Saturdays and that’s the time when my husband and I get our sky rockets in flight.
2) Figure out what makes you feel hot and ask for it.
I can take off my clothes and my husband is ready to go. But I need what I call fore-foreplay. I want to feel like I’m wanted for more than my body, and I’ve found that when I set aside time before bed to talk with my husband about something I’m working on, or have him read something I’ve written and comment on it, I feel seen, heard and valued. And there’s nothing hotter than that.
When we’re in bed, my husband and I talk about what feels good and what doesn’t. We’ve learned that we don’t want to waste time fumbling around. The fact is, what felt amazing last week may not this week. We both appreciate a lot of direction and, again, nothing’s hotter than asking for what you want and getting it.
3) Use Zestra.
Zestra is a blend of botanical oils and extracts, like borage seed oil, evening primrose oil, and angelica extract. When topically applied Zestra works within minutes by heightening your sensitivity to touch. You apply it to the clitoris and labia, and the effects begin within 3 to 5 minutes and last for up to 45 minutes. You can find it in any CVS store (sometimes with the condoms, other times with “feminine products” like yeast medicine. Don’t ask anyone in the store – they never know – just look in those two places.) You can also get a free sample by clicking here.
4) Experiment with Toys.
Have you seen the episode of Sex and the City when Miranda introduces her friends to “The Rabbit”? The normally prudish Charlotte initially resists but ultimately succumbs to its charms and her friends eventually stage an intervention to get her out of her bed and into society again. Toys really can be fun, but they can also set up unrealistic expectations, too. Use with caution or you too may find yourself in this situation:
(Carrie and Charlotte are stretching together in yoga class)
Carrie: (voiceover) My Zen teacher once told me that there was nothing like
yoga to quiet a busy mind. Just as I had reached the moment of no thought…
Charlotte: (whispering) I think I broke my vagina.
Carrie: Oh sorry, am I pulling too hard?
Charlotte: No, metaphorically, I mean. With “the rabbit.”
5) Read Erotica.
I love well-written woman-focused erotica for getting in the mood. Here are some of my favorite titles: Five Minute Erotica (Edited by Carol Queen), Best Women’s Erotica and Sweet Life (both edited by Violet Blue). These are smart, sexy, and fun stories that are guaranteed to jump-start your libido, whether you share them with your lover or keep them your sly little secret.
6) Create a Sex Playlist.
Music is a tried-and-true aphrodisiac. Who hasn’t felt a little groovy after listening to “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye? Some of my other favorites “Home (This Must Be the Place)” by the Talking Heads and “The Way I Are” by Timbaland.
Sex is a big deal – don’t let it slip through the cracks.
If you try all of the tips above and you still don’t feel like hopping in the sack, you may have an issue with arousal that’s caused by any number of issues (chronic stress and hormone imbalance are two that come to mind).
Sex is too important to your health and happiness to dismiss, and there are plenty of professionals who can help, from a therapist to a health care provider.
Call in the cavalry if you have to, but you shouldn’t go another day thinking it’s “just sex” and not a big deal. So—what are you waiting for? You’re hot. Go get your sky rockets in flight.
If you’d like to find out more, click the button below and schedule a free, 15-minute call with me. We’ll discuss how I may be able to help you and your partner enjoy more satisfying sex and a much better relationship.
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